Monday, November 2, 2009

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

“It was a dark and stormy night; the girl stumbled and slipped along the wet walls of the dark ally, searching for the next dumpster to rest on. The fog grew thick like white walls were being put up on all sides of her, hearing the splash of her left leg stepping into the black water puddle and the helpless slide of her right foot dragging slowly behind her. Drunk and incompatible her father (a drunken crack dealer in the back roads of New York City) bat his daughter daily. Searching for the closest item his dirt brown hands came upon the hammer. Finally she fell, not to get back up again flat dented sings of heavy blows to the face appeared everywhere.

3 comments:

  1. Pretty gruesome and quite vivid! What exactly did you mean by describing her father as "incompatible?" Seems pretty meek and mild-mannered for a fiend who hits his daughter with a hammer! Be sure to read aloud and proof this for your final copy. Could it be that we have the next Stephen King in our midst?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you may want to check the definition of "ally." Did you mean "alley?"

    ReplyDelete