I sing of the last time I went rafting;
of the big blue waves, clear but dark
crashing lightly on the tree trunk bark.
My friends and family sit beside me,
Only one more guy and he is right behind me.
I sing of riding waves that throw your guts;
Very high and very low,
The waves go everywhere until they mellow.
They move from the right and the left,
My stomach starts to get a little upset.
I sing of getting wet and drying off;
The wave hits the rock and splashes you,
It comes in the boat and get in your shoe.
Your hair, pants, shirt, and your face,
Everything is wet like you are running a race.
The man is pretty nice but very strict,
For he has to be my life is in his hands.
He shouts out calls that mean left and right,
Here comes the rock it is in close sight.
It is up to you to read the sign,
For it is you that is walking the line
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A good start, but how about jazzing up some of your word choices? wet, nice, blue, high, low, etc. Maybe not all but try substituting for some of them. I like your metaphor about "walking the line."
ReplyDeleteRead aloud to make sure it makes sense and flows.
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